Graduate School.

A month of grad school has gone by and it's already taken it's toll on me.  I don't really know what I expected going in, but I never knew I would feel this overwhelmed.  It has seemed to me that two years of my life are going to pass by just meeting deadlines and checklists. I mark one thing off and there's another then another then another and so on.  It has been hard for me to find joy out of my situation especially with Ron leaving. He isn't here to cheer me up or take me somewhere to get my mind of things.  Today I was running and because I have turned into a crazy person, I was imagining myself running. I was running from this huge black cloud full of stress and pain and if I look at my life for the past couple weeks that black cloud has caught up to me. The devil has known where to attack me, and I have let him win.  I refuse to let him win over the next two years of my life because if I do, I know that all things that bring me joy will be pushed away.  

Thankfully to the encouragement of Ron, friends, and family, I have decided to be more positive.  This morning I read about the peace Christ gives us as a gift.  It stated that Christ gave us the inheritance of peace through him, and just like with any inheritance we have to act upon it.  I have not succeeded in doing so.  I wake up praying I will remember that, but then one thing adds to another and I end up breaking.  

I read a blog a moment ago, and it was talking about the business of life and meeting schedules,deadlines etc.  She stated this:

God’s not asking me to produce– He’s asking me to pray. God’s not asking me to climb ladders — He’s asking me to kneel and let go

I am so bad at giving it to him even though I simply just need to pray and let go.  Christ has put me here for a reason.  I can only do my best to glorify him, and in the end that's all that matters.  I know there will be ups and downs, but I'm praying I can handle them better.  Praying I will stop trying to please the world and hate myself when I make mistakes. Praying I remember with all the stress and work piled up that it will get done somehow;it always does.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  John 14:27

Neuroanatomy exam and clinic get ready for me tomorrow!!