Equality, Tolerance, and Jesus.

My heart is saddened by all these equal signs on Facebook.  

It is ironic to me that these are all popping up the week before Easter. I think the Devil is using this to distract all of us from the importance of what is to come on Sunday. This is a time that we should be preparing our hearts for the greatest sacrifice of all-Jesus. 
        

"Fix your eyes on the Crucified and nothing else will be of much importance to you."

 It breaks my heart that Christians are putting these equal signs up supporting equal marriage for all. The Word does not agree with this. Yes, we are told to love one another but I think it is important to know that LOVE isn't ACCEPTANCE. Homosexuality is a sin just like any other sin. We should not support this kind of marriage just like we shouldn't support someone lying all the time. Christians need to point them to the Cross just as we should point ANYONE to the Cross where we can lay our sin and ask for forgiveness. I have been doing a study on the Covenant this semester. The Old Testament is filled with promises that God made with man. God takes these promises very seriously and intends for us to take them seriously, as well. One covenant that is seen as very important is the Marriage covenant. This covenant is between man, woman, and God. 

"For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall stick like glue to his wife (forcibly intimating that nothing but death should be allowed to separate them) and they shall (become one flesh as they) enter into a covenant relationship." Genesis 2:24 paraphrased. 

I am not the best with words or getting my point across, but I felt as though I needed to say something.  Every time I log onto Facebook, my heart hurts. We need to know the Truth and we need to share the Truth. Jesus does love us all, but we have to be willing to die to ourselves by continually running towards the Cross.  We are all going to mess up.  I will sin multiple times today-that's why I need Jesus. I need his forgiveness BUT I also have to have a repentant heart.  I have to want to stop my sin & be broken when I do sin. 

Graduate School.

A month of grad school has gone by and it's already taken it's toll on me.  I don't really know what I expected going in, but I never knew I would feel this overwhelmed.  It has seemed to me that two years of my life are going to pass by just meeting deadlines and checklists. I mark one thing off and there's another then another then another and so on.  It has been hard for me to find joy out of my situation especially with Ron leaving. He isn't here to cheer me up or take me somewhere to get my mind of things.  Today I was running and because I have turned into a crazy person, I was imagining myself running. I was running from this huge black cloud full of stress and pain and if I look at my life for the past couple weeks that black cloud has caught up to me. The devil has known where to attack me, and I have let him win.  I refuse to let him win over the next two years of my life because if I do, I know that all things that bring me joy will be pushed away.  

Thankfully to the encouragement of Ron, friends, and family, I have decided to be more positive.  This morning I read about the peace Christ gives us as a gift.  It stated that Christ gave us the inheritance of peace through him, and just like with any inheritance we have to act upon it.  I have not succeeded in doing so.  I wake up praying I will remember that, but then one thing adds to another and I end up breaking.  

I read a blog a moment ago, and it was talking about the business of life and meeting schedules,deadlines etc.  She stated this:

God’s not asking me to produce– He’s asking me to pray. God’s not asking me to climb ladders — He’s asking me to kneel and let go

I am so bad at giving it to him even though I simply just need to pray and let go.  Christ has put me here for a reason.  I can only do my best to glorify him, and in the end that's all that matters.  I know there will be ups and downs, but I'm praying I can handle them better.  Praying I will stop trying to please the world and hate myself when I make mistakes. Praying I remember with all the stress and work piled up that it will get done somehow;it always does.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  John 14:27

Neuroanatomy exam and clinic get ready for me tomorrow!!

Rough Draft.

"God rewrote the text of my life
      when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes."  Psalm 18:24 The Message

I love this.  It makes me think of English class when we would have to write essays. We would all spend about half the class time writing, and then the next half we would have to have another student in class to read them and make corrections. I HATED that. I was always embarrassed to know what people thought of my work. It made me seem vulnerable...what if they didn't like it or thought what I had to say was dumb? I had no way of getting around it..if I wanted to make a good grade in the class I had to let others read. However,  God doesn't force me to open up the book of my life to him (even though he already knows everything).  He gives me that choice. Though, as this verse says "once I opened the book of my heart to his eyes..God rewrote."  I think that is wonderful, scary, embarrassing, awesome all at the same time.  Part of me wants to be how I was in my English class and hid everything from God because I do mess up a lot.  However, the only way for me to grow is to let him write my story.  I obviously cannot do it on my own.  This morning my sin was laying heavily on my heart, but after reading this I know God can rewrite my story. He forgives.  I have this beautiful picture of my story laid out before Christ with some good material to work with and then lots of bad...more bad than good, but then beside it there is his perfect penmanship rewriting that story for me.  All because I allowed God in, worked with him, listened to him, prayed to him, and let him show me the way. God is there to help me as long as I open up my life to him.  Yes, it's hard being vulnerable but that's what is wonderful about it. We have to let him have all of us before we can truly make a beautiful story.

Why.

I haven't written in a while. Life is weird right now.  I am in this weird transition stage from undergrad to grad school.  I am supposed to be an adult on my own, but I feel pretty helpless.  My bank account was just overdrawn and I had to call my parents to help me.  I am still so dependent on them, but as I cried to my Mom she just said "life happens Laura, but just be sure to tell your dad that he really hears you. He is so busy he does not really hear you at times. It will be okay" 


As a father figure, my Dad is the most loving, giving, self-sacrificing man I know.  He constantly wants to make sure his children are happy and works very hard to do so.  However, as my Mom said life takes over sometimes and he doesn't always hear me. I am so dependent on my parents, but Christ is the only one that actually hears me ALL the time. He hears all my struggles and knows the depths of me greater than anyone ever could.  Even as I am sitting here with an empty bank account, I know Christ will always provide for me and my family. It is hard for me not to start asking WHY do my mom and dad have to work so hard everyday...Can't Christ see how much they are struggling and give them some rest?  I love this quote from C.S. Lewis that says:

When I lay these [why] questions before God I get no answer. But a rather special sort of ‘No answer.’ It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though He (God) shook His head – not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, ‘Peace, child; you don’t understand.’

There are so many why questions I could ask, and I know I will have harder why questions to answer throughout my life, but instead of asking why I should ask if I am "rich in truth, wealthy in faith, and fully invested in eternity."  Why questions will never get me anywhere.  My dad can't hear everything I say because he is trying to figure out life just as much as I am.  We both may have no money at times but somehow we always are okay....and the only thing I understand about that is that Christ never fails us.  Life is going to be weird and hard and scary but Christ is the ultimate father and love story. His love never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever (and I could go on) will fail us.

I thank God today for my Dad and Mom.  They have shown me how to trust in the Lord and have loved me so well.       

Flowing.

"Flow through me, Holy Spirit, flow through me.
A useful vessel let me be.
Let me touch someone in need
In Your precious Holy name
Flow through me, Holy Spirit, flow through me.

As You moved in the upper room that day,
As Your spirit fell in such a mighty way.
May we never be the same
As we call upon Your name,
Flow through me, Holy Spirit, flow through me."

 Flow through me Lord.

Today, Tomorrow, Forever.

The Healing Powers of Lice

It's funny what Christ can use to grab your attention.  He used lice for me.   In the midst of dealing with such a nuisance of a bug, I would have never realized what I know now.  However, just letting myself be near to Christ and listen to him more (like I wanted to in my first posting) I came to an understanding of everything.  It may not be exactly why Christ brought all of it upon me and maybe at times a silly comparison, but it brings peace to my soul. 

Lice invested me (gross) about three or four weeks ago when my heart was being broken and I didn't even realize it. Just like I didn't realize I had lice at the beginning, I wouldn't let myself even go to the depths of how I was feeling.  I am very much a shrug it off kind of person, but I was hurting and did not let myself feel that because to me that is a sign of being weak. I don't want to be weak and want to control my life. Christ was trying to break me of that.

Once I found the lice, I went through denial.  I pretended like it was mostly gone when I really had no idea if it was there or not.  I didn't want to think about it so I didn't. I was dealing with my brokenness in the same way.  I pretended I was okay. I pretended that my friends hadn't been distant towards me or hurting me for weeks. I pretended that I didn't feel alone and that I was unhappy.  I knew deep down that I was not okay, but hey thats easy to cover up. 

 Then that fateful Sunday happened on spring break.  That Sunday made me have to come to terms with okay I do have lice. It's not as easy to get rid of as I thought and I had to accept the fact that I had a problem (even though lice is not that big of a deal). I had to actually deal with it.  Christ stripped me of everything I put my comfort in that day. I had never felt so hurt, so unwanted, and so alone as I did from friends that day.  I believe Christ had to do that to get my attention because I wasn't letting him in when he had been trying for so long.  Oh how I wept.

The next week was the beginning process of my healing.  I went through ups and downs of feeling hurt and feeling loved my Christ.  My friendship with Mary was strong again, and I think we needed that week to rekindle our friendship and going back to comparing it to my process with lice..that week was the week we were really treating our hair and spending lots of time and effort trying to get rid of it.  During that restful time, I was able to be alone with Christ and really start understanding how I tend to put other relationships before him. My lice getting less and less, but I still would find some throughout the week. Like with my hurt, I was feeling my need for Christ and the pain of what had happened was getting less, but the hurt was still there.

The next week was my breaking point. I had thought on the way home from spring break that I was over it all and I was going to be all happy and carefree once I got back.  However,  I had to come back to a house and friends that were still scared of the bug and a house that definitely did not feel like a home.

  Christ wasn't going to let me shrug what I was feeling off and was going to make me sit in my uncomfortableness...literally.  He longed for me to really embrace him.  Ron was going through a hard week, as well, so what typically brought me happiness even when no one else was, was not there either.  I finally broke down and accepted that I was hurt and that it really sucks just like I had finally come to terms with the pains of lice. I was ready to end the battle with it.  I was ready for Christ to heal me.  I read a quote from the lent devotion I have been doing  that said, 

 "To embrace one’s brokenness, whatever it looks like, whatever has caused it, carries with it the possibility that one might come to embrace one’s healing, and then that one might come to the next step: to embrace another and their brokenness and their possibility for being healed. To avoid one’s brokenness is to turn one’s back on the possibility that the Healer might be at work here, perhaps for you, perhaps for another"  

 I had to embrace that I was hurting so that I could heal.  I think during my small group and speaking openly about my pain was what finally allowed me to do that.  I felt as though that week I was at risk of blinding myself with my tears and not allowing myself to see Christ at all but  wallow in my self-pity.

  Instead, reading about how Christ wept for Jerusalem in the verses Luke 19: 41-44 made me run to him. Christ says in that verse "If you, even you had only known on this day what would bring you peace but now it is hidden from your eyes."   I  made the decision to open my eyes to a God who loves me so much that he wept for me. He so badly wants all of us to run full speed ahead to him. I know the truth but it took the lice and brokenness to get me to really know the truth and really let Christ be my healer, lover, friend, and God that he wants to be for me.

The lice may or may not be fully gone.  I am still treating it and hoping I got rid of those suckers, but if they aren't completely gone I will keep treating it.  I know my hurt isn't fully gone either, but I am going to use Christ to treat me instead now.  I have so much peace with everything. I have realized it is okay to be hurt by friends, and it is okay to let them know they hurt you.  Christ is what brings me joy, and because he loves us and  wants us to be happy he gives us other people/things/relationships to bring us joy too.  I have learned that people fail you because we are all human but Christ never will.  

I am thankful for lice today.  I am thankful that Christ wept for me today.  I am thankful for his lovingkindness.

How to be Cool.

My boyfriend is cool. Yes, I am probably biased, but he really is.  I am not cool.  I am okay with that, and I have come to accept that.  I am not writing this to be like "aww feel bad for Laura" because I know I am not cool.  There are just some people that are wired with just freaking awesome brains, and my boyfriend is one of those. There are also those people that pretend to be cool but really are just putting on a show.  I think we should just all accept the fact that not everyone can be cool.  Yeah, we all have different or unique qualities about us that can make us interesting or fun or funny or nice or whatever but not everyone can be cool. I looked up what made someone cool just because I was curious what the internet would say, and I found these five factors.  I mean I think these factors are true, but my point is that I just think some people are cooler than others.  I can't even describe what I think coolness is but to me it's when someone can just be sitting there and just by looking at them you know they are awesome. 

1. Self Belief and Confidence: Have a strong internal locus of control and are not afraid to be themselves no matter the social situation.


2. Defying Convention: Will be in careers that are born out of true passion (human rights, sciences, the arts) and will follow their passions - even if unconventional


3. Understated Achievement: Successful but not overly showy. Further they regulate their outward expressiveness. They appear in control and not overly 'emotional'.


4. Caring For Others: Broad-minded and sensitive


5. Energy and Sociability: Get out there. 

 This might be one of the weirdest posts, but it is just what has been on my mind the past couple days. Brains/People/Personalities are so crazy.  But hey, if you are all worried about not being cool anymore I also found 19 steps on how to be cool. http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Cool   If you aren't born with a cool brain just use these steps from wikihow and I am SURE you will learn how to be cool.  

.......................What the hell am I even talking about?